Life at 23.

Dear Blog,

I have not officially graduated from university but I am done with it..for now. ( Till I get answers for my masters) BUT until that happens, I am unemployed and pretty much broke. Okay not broke broke but I cannot keep spending money because I do not have any steady income (my allowances). fml

other than that, im alive.

Hmm

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Dear blog,

Its been a while hasn’t it? I have been okay. Too many ups and down. Problem-wise?
Still facing the same shit everyday but its improving.

My question is , what do I do? I am trying so hard to understand the difference between something good that happened and something that I am selective of happening. Get me?

I feel like you want to talk to me. I feel like you are just purposely doing all this to get my attention. Yet, at the same time, I feel that I am slowly losing you. I am just drifting further and further away from you.

Not to mention , my jealousy. OH GOD. Its bad enough that I am jealous, its worst because I am not allowed to tell anyone about it because dear god, if anyone found out that I am jealous , they would probably hate me and call me childish.

Also, catching feelings again. Nope, not going down this road again.

Signs or coincidences?

Is there such thing as coincidences? I do believe in it but tons of my friends feel that there are no coincidences in this world.

Its like you are always there. What are the odds right? The more I try to avoid you, the more I see you. The more I try to hide my feelings, the more it spills out like milk from a milk carton.

Why is it always like this? Is this meant to be? Am I suppose to make a move and apologize ? (I have nothing to apologize for though). Am I suppose to wait? What what what?

The signs have been leaning to “please wait” and “he’ll come around” but how do I go about it? Im pathetic as I am already.

Im not making sense again. 

Feelings.

I cant see you
because it reminds me of the pain
because I have come too far to go back to that
it took me so long to pick the pieces up…and fix myself
i cant let you in..even if its just for closure.

…..i just cant.

2k15. I’ve come a long way since my first year in uni.

ahhh. Happy (belated) new year dear non-existent or ghost readers!!

I have made peace with a lot of things before the start of the new year. One of them is letting go of the mindset that everyone in the world is out to get me ( lol how ridiculous was I??)

Anyway. I like to think that I have come a long way since I started university in 2011. In the span of (almost) 4 years, I went through so much and now look at me…all “matured” and ready to graduate this coming September. ( ha ha ha)

THE FIRST THING I learned when entering university in 2011 is that nobody is going to be there for you. You have to learn how to pick up and carry your own weight. Not to say, nobody will be there for you in your times of need BUT……always remember, they will not be there all the time. Fast forward 2015, I am working hard to rely on myself more rather than depending on others.

I also learnt that not everyone is interested in your sob stories. Choose your friends wisely. Some are just interested for the gossip and then there are those special ones (bless these awesome people) who actually care about you…so choose who you open up to wisely.

Also, thinking “hes” the one…ummm NO. You can crush on someone but never ever ever ever ever ever ever for a second assume that they are the “one”. This “one” simply does not exist ( i have yet to be proven wrong though ) .

Be nice. Give yourself a break. Do not believe whatever people say about you. You know your own self as do your close friends. Those who believe in the rumours or what people say about you are clearly not your good friends. People talk, its inevitable (something I tell my bestfriend all the time) .

It is also okay to enjoy once in a while. Yes, the ending to these “fun times” may not be good but hey! this is the time to learn from your mistakes.

Be friends with everyone. It’s always nice to see familiar faces in class right? 🙂

2015, I will be done with my final semester this coming May. I have no regrets. I made mistakes but I learn from them.

2015, please be the year that I finally love myself.
Please be the year that I do not find fault in every potential relationship that comes my way (like i did last year… eugh. so bad so badddd)
Please be the year of more adventures.
Please be the year that I am able to welcome all the uncertainties in my life.

With that, I end this post. Goodnight.

One of those nights..

I dont know why I’ve been feeling like shit lately. I mean, I don’t like anyone But the comic explains exactly how I feel right now. Why is that? Why does depression happened? And the worst part is, you don’t know why and how it happened. Everything just sets you off but you have to keep it cool and put on a straight face like it doesn’t affect you at all.

Feelings reminds you that you are human. It makes you feel like shit too. I don’t remember the last time I was actually genuinely smiling or laughing. I dont want to go anywhere…………… I dont want to leave my room.

Sigh…its just one of those nights where I feel like breaking down and it feels like these feelings can’t be helped.
……still hoping for a better tomorrow (…or later). 

xox with love